When a young mother dies, Is it appropriate to ask for a donation to a college fund?
A young mother we know died recently, and the husband has asked for donations to his childrens’ college fund in lieu of flowers. Is this appropriate? How much do you give?
Tags: College Fund, Donations, Flowers, Young Mother
March 11th, 2009 at 7:44 am
its a bit like cash deposits into a joint bank account instead of wedding presents – its very american
March 12th, 2009 at 6:25 am
this is not very appropriate. you should not interest your financial affairs with others. this was very rude, but you would not want to seem rude by not making a contribution. I would give at least $50, or more. But do not waste hundreds of dollars of your money.
March 13th, 2009 at 8:33 am
Look at it this way…in lieu of sending flowers, you are donating the money that would have been used on flowers to the children’s college fund. A family here asked for donations to the local rescue squad instead of flowers. I’d give whatever amount I would if I had purchased flowers. If everyone did that, the kids would have a nice start on their college funds.
March 15th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Yes. Ive seen this in obituaries alot. Flowers cost alot of money. You can donate any amount yyou want in the persons name.My friends husband died last week, and she bought flowers from all the family to the tune of $600,00!!! To me, thats a waste of money $25.00 would be a good donation, I think.
March 16th, 2009 at 4:01 pm
yes,it is appropriate.pick out some flowers and donate however much the flowers cost rounded up to the nearest number.That is an appropriate amount.
March 19th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
I don’t think it’s inappropriate – in some cases college funds are set-up in these situations. I believe this would be a legitimate concern for the new found widower/single dad.
I would give what you can afford, though $50 to $100 wouldn’t seem too much.
Don’t automatically judge what you believe to be appropriate, put yourself in that persons shoes for just one minute. Think of all the things he will have to do and endure on his own now that his partner is gone. Thinking of his kids future is not such a bad thing, after all this doesn’t directly benefit him financially.
March 20th, 2009 at 11:36 am
What is wrong in asking for a donation for kids’ college funds in stead of flowers.
First, he is not asking for funds for his pleasures. His is asking for the noble cause of his kids’ education.
Second, you purchase flowers to show your condolence and the money goes to the profit of the florist. For the widower and his kids these flowers may be of some decorative use for a few hours only with no tangible benefit.
As for the amount, you should donate what is a comfortable amount. Giving too much of money may raise eyebrows to the intent. Since it is for a noble cause you may donate 15 -20% extra of the amount you would have otherwise spent on flowers.
March 20th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I believe it is extremely appropriate. If you donate in the Mothers name it is kind of like A last gift to her children, and it will give them a very good start on their college…. I am sure that father will have his hands full with the children, and what a relief to him to know his children have some sort of money for college.
March 23rd, 2009 at 7:56 am
This is appropriate, however, usually the donation is a check written to a specified Memorial fund. The husband should be instructed by a trusted friend or lawyer on how to more formally share/relate these details. You may likely have seen requests for contributions to memorial funds, in lieu of flowers, to scholarship funds as a memorial to a deceased youth. It is reasonable to shore up the legacy of a deceased parent by providing for a specific item like college scholarship. A trust in general is not appropriate.
March 25th, 2009 at 8:49 am
I would donate however much I would have spent on flowers.
March 28th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
absolutley appropriate, you buy flowers which eventually die anyway, by making a contribution to a childs college fund it gives the now single parent a good start in saving money for his children to go to school and gives his children something to look at when they use it, the people that loved my mother gave me this to help me reach my goals… its touching I think, way more so than regular old flowers!
March 28th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
if he asked for donations to a memorial fund in his wifes name it wouldnt be so bad, at least he is being honest and has the guts to say he is going to use the money for the kids education. I would give him whatever you think is a good amount 50 -100 bucks. these kids lost their mom afterall.
March 29th, 2009 at 8:25 am
Very appropriate! the family has most likely lost a good percentage of it’s annual income. insurance,etc will pay for immediate expenses and may even pay down larger bills such as mortgage payment. Asking for donations to help with goals that the couple were working towards is a nice way to let people know how they can help the family in a practical way and honor the memory of this young woman.
April 1st, 2009 at 10:34 am
I think it is appropriate, as long as you are making the check out directly to a fund that has been set up at a bank. Over the years I have had a few of my former students whose parents died young, and I have donated to their education funds.